what i listened to in 2008

so, here is my version of the "best of" 2008. it's not the best of, though. it's just a list of the albums that came out this year (it goes without saying that listened to a shit-ton of stuff that came out before this year, as well) that i listened to the most. it may or may not be best. but it's mine. 

i'm not really sure if i can rate it; some of it i listened to a whole lot, though, and i will note that. i will also discuss live shows of said bands, if i saw them this year (i saw a lot of live music. again.)

DEAD CONFEDERATE-EP (also, WRECKING BALL)

after seeing these guys open for drive by truckers this summer, i was hooked. their live show was electric, a mix of southern style rock n roll and early nirvana. i got their self titled EP (which they adorned with pictures of cock n balls instead of autographs, at my request) and listened to it over and over on the drive back to l.a. from san diego. 5 songs. over and over. it hits you all 'pretty pretty' then shreds your face off.

'memorial day night' is probably my favorite, even though it is more of the 'pretty pretty' variety, with the almost urgent lyric: and we stood/like we could/be good...

'wrecking ball', the full length album is fucking awesome, but to be fair, the EP was what got me hooked.

VIC CHESNUTT WITH ELF POWER-DARK DEVELOPMENTS

i had never really listened to elf power, an athens based band who is the latest to collaborate with vic, before this album. they mesh flawlessly with chesnutt's songwriting and mournful vocals, though, and i was impressed. you can read my review of the show in the post below! it pretty much sums it up; they used the track listing of this album for their set list.

KINGS OF LEON-BECAUSE OF THE NIGHT

i weirdly feel a little guilty about liking this album. i think it's because i realized at their show that these southern good 'ol boys were now the equivalent of the jonas brothers in the eyes of many swooning teenage girls. they sing about sex and fucking so much though that i can't imagine their parents are happy about this non-disney approved material. they would rather them read about abstinent vampires (by the way, i can't seem to get into this whole "twilight" series. sorry, america) ANYway, i like this album a lot, not as much as their previous albums, but enough to press repeat a few times. 'revelry' has to be my favorite track. though the creepy opener, 'closer' is nice. well, maybe not nice, but you know what i mean. and it's about vampires. i guess vampires are in right now. the single, 'sex on fire', is far from my favorite, and not just because it makes me think of STDs. ok, it seems like i am bashing this album now but take my word, it's damn good. and dirty.

as mentioned before, their show at nokia live was a bit of a spectacle, but with enough whiskey and rowdy friends, one can overcome hordes of sexually frustrated teenagers.

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE-NARROW STAIRS

i can honestly say that i have had mean, mean thoughts about death cab for cutie. i don't know, i think it's because "death cab for cutie" seems like such a dumb name for a band. i never listened to them (or postal service) mainly because i assumed they were a dumb band. that was really judgmental on my part, i am admitting to that now. i will, however, say that i still think it's a dumb name.

so when a person with discerning musical tastes gave me this album, i was surprised. still, i listened to it, and the opening track, 'bixby canyon bridge', blew me away. and after the 8 minute instrumental opening to 'i will possess your heart' i felt bad about all the shit talking i did in my brain about death cab. i really like songs about stalkers, and this a crowning jewel on that collection. 

i have since listened to past death cab albums (and some postal service) and realized that there is some good stuff there. it's music for sad people, to be sure, but what is wrong with that?

i was supposed to see death cab for cutie in october, when they opened for neil young at the forum. the show was cancelled due to a strike by forum workers and neil's refusal to cross picket lines. talk about sad people: i was one sad lady when that show was called off.

RAY LAMONTAGNE-GOSSIP IN THE GRAIN

oh, ray lamontagne. your voice, in the words of my friend kristin, is like butter on sandpaper. smooth yet rough. this new album, ray once again showcases his vocal skills along with songwriting that speaks to those of us who are alternately in love and reveling in it and being lonely and reveling in *that*. as with his other albums, ray has some sweet sweet songs about the highs:  'you are the best thing';  the yearning: 'let it be me' and 'a falling through'; and the oh god i am so tormented: 'winter birds'. *favorite* on this one is 'i still care for you'..the haunting harmonies and music just make the lyrics all the better: how to explain/so pristine the pain/kindness made the cut so clean....    shivers....

he was somehow able to command the wiltern to utter quiet at his show in november-you could hear a pin drop between songs. which is not the usual, as the peanut gallery can usually barely stand the silence. he is a joy to watch on stage, stomping passionately as well as standing oh-so-still, you wonder where he will go next.

CENTRO-MATIC/SOUTH SAN GABRIEL-DUAL HAWKS

yea for centro-matic and their alter ego band south san gabriel!! this double album combines the rockin' tunes of centro-matic with the more mellowed out sings of SSG, and for that i rejoice. the happy nostalgic voice of 'twenty four' is hard not to like. 'two seat gold reserved' is catchy and bold, something you could really belt out if it came on in a bar. on the SSG disc, put on your cozy slippers and sink into 'when the angels will put'. and man do i love the tune 'alabama crusade'...

i was lucky enough to catch both south san gabriel and centro-matic sets at spaceland a few months ago. it was a sit down kinda groove for SSG, then on to the rock n roll stylings of centro-matic. will johnson's voice just does something to me, my friends. let it do something to you.

FLEET FOXES-SUN GIANT EP AND SELF TITLED ALBUM

sigh....fleet foxes. these guys are bringing brain busting vocal harmonies to the masses, and i will follow them like lemmings until they stop. these songs could be played in a renaissance era church, or an out of the way music festival held in the forest in the early sixties, or in my saturn station wagon as it traverses topanga canyon. why so poetic? just the slightest strains of robin pecknold's voice is enough to make even the most straight forward person consider the clouds. this very very very young band has the chops of an entity way older. 'drops in the river' has a definite native american drum beat behind some seriously zen lyrics: days are just drops in the river/to be lost, always....the changes in 'mykonos' are another favorite: i love songs that suddenly become other songs.

i saw fleet foxes at the el rey a couple of months ago and was astounded that they were able to keep up the exact quality of harmonizing live as they do when recorded. which leads me to believe they may be cyborgs. kidding: no robot could have the soul these boys have.

DRIVE BY TRUCKERS-BRIGHTER THAN CREATIONS DARK

yup, the truckers lost jason isbell as a band member. and yup, that was sad, since i think jason isbell is pretty fucking great. but with the addition of athens mainstay john neff, as well as help from spooner oldham,  the truckers made another damn fine album. 

this album is a "grown up" album-with tracks such as 'two daughters and a beautiful wife' and 'daddy needs a drink', a political album-'the righteous path', 'the homefront' and 'that man i shot', along with those story telling songs the truckers are known for-'goode's field road' and 'i'm sorry huston'. it's also the first album where shonna tucker shows of not only her songwriting skills but her vocals-who knew? her song 'purgatory line' gave me chills from the moment i heard it, a song for those of us who found ourselves saying this ain't exactly hell/sure as hell ain't heaven/love you like the dickens/miss you like the devil...perfect.

while there are songs on this album i could do without ('bob' and 'lisa's birthday' mostly) i am happy with "creations dark", and feel that the evolution of this band is apparent. now, i do not mean to say the truckers have gotten better with this album-i actually like most of the past records better-but you can see the huge change from "gangstabilly" to present.  

i saw the truckers a few times this year, and while i miss seeing them rock out in a more fat in your face kinda way, i am never unhappy at one of their shows. the grandstanding, the infamous bottle of jack in attendance at all shows, patterson's sweat: all equal a happy happy lauren.

BON IVER-FOR EMMA, FOREVER AGO

this is, hands down, my favorite album of the year. it spent the most time rolling around in my ears this year than any album, released this year or any year. from start to finish, there is no song i do not like here, and i can listen to this album multiple times in a row (and have). though it seems to be one of those albums that sneaks up on you, and after a couple of listens, you realize you are hopelessly obsessed.

i first heard bon iver through pandora.com, i think it was 'skinny love'. i remember liking the song. then, while at the outside lands music festival, i was lured to the delicious sounds of justin vernon while wandering the festival grounds. when i got home, it was all over. i was hooked. 

though i love every song on this album, i have a special place in my heart (as most of you who have heard the record, probably) for 're:stacks'. it's sadness is almost happy. and when the line "your love will be/safe with me" is sung, well, let's just say i manage to hold it together...some of the time.

there you have it. good stuff this year. i added some new bands to my repertoire. i figured out, in writing this, that my old favorites produced works that were good but did not make me as happy as past works. but all in all, i am very gracious and jubilant in the fact that music....exists.

have a great holiday, all!

little fucker

i cannot seem to get the phrase "the kid with the aubergine eye" out of my head. sometimes this will happen-a sentence or song lyric gets stuck in my brain like a piece of popcorn in my teeth. i will wake up with it already playing incessantly in my mind.

i got to see the legendary (yes, *legendary*) vic chesnutt at the echoplex in los angeles last night. chesnutt is an athens, ga mainstay and always a pleasure to see live, especially when i am particularly missing home. athens has pretty much claimed vic as a hometown hero, though he is known around the world for his disturbingly dark and funny lyrics, haunting vocals, and musical collaborations with everyone and their brother. currently, he is touring with elf power, who he recently recorded and album with. they used the track listing of 'dark developments', this latest album, for a setlist for their live show (with the exception of a couple of the closing songs). 

chesnutt is an absolute pleasure to experience live. he is so charming and funny, you hardly realize that he just made a fart joke. after announcing that they were playing all songs from the new album, there was halfhearted applause from the audience. to which he replied, "hey, it's ok, 'cause by the time we announce that again at the end they will be *COMING*...."

the band and vic seemed quite at ease with each other and in a very relaxed mood (christina believes laura carter, elf power's multi-instrumental member, may have been napping during part of the show). as usual, the songs, which i had only heard snippets of before this show, were moving, sad, funny, lighthearted, intense, and esoteric all at once. i think i can truly say i've never not liked anything i've heard from chesnutt. he seems to be able to capture emotion that not too many can pull off, finding distinct humor in the major disappointments in life, while not coming off as very bitter, but with a finish that doesn't leave you feeling like cutting yourself. he sings love songs about dirt and blood clots and anthems to erections.  it's pretty, pretty stuff.

the opening track of 'dark disturbances', 'mystery', is a true vic classic, complete with harmonica and some random "la-da-das" sung in a falsetto voice. 'little fucker' is a song he wrote about himself, it seems. 'and how' ("like they used to say in old-timey hollywood!") is a feel good ditty, with some fun backing vocals by the elf power crew. i really liked 'we are mean': in the city is is gray/in the country it is green/in the country we are happy/in the city we are MEAN...

the song 'the bilocating dog' is about a family who thought their dog was in two places at once, which is awesome.

they closed the show with 'independence day', a song off vic's first record recorded 20 years ago. this heart wrenching tune is played often by vic, but i could hear it every time i see him. it is beautiful and can mean so many different things; he even prefaced it by saying it carried much different meaning for himself than it did when he first wrote it.

he had a hard time figuring out what to play for an encore, so he took a request from an audience member and did 'tarragon' before being carried off stage, flapping his arms as if flying.

so yeah, about that sentence: vic was telling stories before most every song, and before the song

"phil the fiddler" (vic was pissed that it's thunder was stolen by 'joe the plumber'.i think his exact words were "lying sack of shit".), he told us about a line in the song: "the kid with the aubergine eye". he was sitting on his porch, smoking, when he heard someone singing jubilantly. he even demonstrated with a childlike "la-la-la-laaaaa". he thought this was nice. he spotted the little guy, about 10, walking down the road singing...with a black eye. which he thought was even nicer. how we all should want to be the boy with the aubergine eye, singing even after getting our asses handed to us.

my hopes that we can all learn to live in a new america

its the day after election day, and i can honestly say i wasn't sure how i was going to feel today. all week, i've been thinking about this election and it's turnout, and its effects on not just this country, but the world.

i am truly happy, elated, at the country's decision. i sympathize with those who did not vote for and do not support obama: i sympathize because it is how i have felt for the last 8 years. feeling like you will not be represented in the way you want to be. the way you deserve to be. feeling like your voice will not be heard. that sums up how i feel under our current administration. i only hope that if you are feeling let down now, our new president will not disappoint and you can give our new leaders a chance.

because my biggest fear is that those who did not vote for obama will not give him a chance to step up to the plate.

i will admit that i grew bitter about our current leader, but not without giving all of them a chance to redeem themselves. they did not. after bush was re-elected, hell yes i was upset-this after 4 years of being disappointed. amidst cries of "he's our leader-you must follow him even if you didn't vote for him!", i grew angry. why are my sentiments considered anti-american? because i don't agree with the president? as far as i'm concerned, speaking your mind and standing up for your beliefs, and wanting to be fair and just but respectful of others way of life if it does not disrupt yours, that's the most american thing there is! so, please, keep standing up for your beliefs; let your voice be heard, but please, before you rebel and make a concrete decision about how to feel about america's next president: give barack obama and joe biden a chance. listen to what mccain said: reach across the isles and let's work together to make this country a better, more productive, tolerant place to live.

if you do not want an america that celebrates diversity, i implore you to sit down with just you and your moral compass and do some serious soul searching.

do i think obama and biden have a magic wand and will make everything better with waving of said wand? absolutely not. don't be ridiculous. i am tired of people saying that obama hypnotized the public with the promise of hope. isn't that what we as a people need? hope for a better future? hope that the rights we have now will stay intact? since when is hope such a bad thing? i was so happy to hear mccain acknowledge the fact that obama installed a sense of hope in the people, and was respectful of that.

let's just all be respectful of each other, shall we?

much love

birds of a feather

the great circle of life. we have all witnessed it's presence in a grand scheme or a small sense at one time or another.

i recently was residing at a beautiful home in lincoln heights los angeles called skyfarm. skyfarm has many animal residences, and i was keeping them while the family who usually tended them were away. amongst the menagerie are a few chickens. one of these chickens, cecil, got the mother bug real bad and became broody, sitting on her eggs though they were not fertilized.

one morning i received a mysterious text message from ilse, mistress of skyfarm-something about an egg stolen from the shakers, to be placed under the chicken. i will admit i was confused. turns out, meeno, ilse and their lovely children spotted a heirloom turkey egg while visiting a shaker farm, and scooped it up. they then fedex'ed it to me so that i could put it under the chicken and we would all cross our fingers and wait.

i got the package and took it to skyfarm, already serious yet giddy about the task at hand. ilse texted me instructions: "fluff the straw into a nice bed away from the door and lay her gently upon the beast. you can take the other eggs in the morning but no turkey omlettes yet. and don't forget the sacred egg sitting mantra. it must be hummed cooingly through the morning glories."

with utter stoicism, i donned gloves and boots, determined to safely deliver the egg as well as avoid the spastic advances of the resident rooster. i stole into the pen, gently removed the other eggs out from under our gal, and placed the egg, which had traveled by plane all the way from massachusetts, under her. no pressure. ok, i could now officially add 'animal husbandry' to my resume.

for the days that followed, i brought the chicken food and water, greens and watermelon, because she wouldn't move. i also had to be the asshole who took away all other eggs and made sure the turkey egg stayed.

i'll be the first to admit it: i did not think this thing would bear life. who knows if it was fertilized in the first place? then the flight over-certainly it couldn't endure such extreme pressure and temperature change. would the mama chicken stick with her duty or abandon all hope? not to mention any of the other variables involved. but we all stuck it out because we have inevitably seen how life can spring from what seems to be nothing at all.

the family returned from massachusetts and i moved on to yet another house sitting gig. the new place also had chickens, as well as two cats, two bunnies, and a puppy. the chickens and bunnies would roam free range style in the backyard while the puppy stayed in the front yard, divided by a couple of fences. the puppy, used to being run around by two kids, got restless enough to figure out he could scale the fences if he really wanted to.

i had to find this out the hard way.

picking up puppy-mangled chicken parts and putting them into a trash bag on a hot summer day is a quick way to find oneself considering vegetarianism. the thing is, the puppy didn't want to eat the chicken or anything; it just wanted to PLAY! with gruesome results.

i have to say i was very sad to lose a bird on my watch. the most i had ever lost on a housesitting gig was a fish, and even that was a bummer. i felt bad for the chicken-bad for the puppy, who i yelled at, bad for the family i'd have to break the news to. i felt responsible. i couldn't just let it go, but the fact is: nature isn't always pretty.

soon after this incident, i received a text from skyfarm: "you are now the proud godmother of a bouncing baby turkey!"

after all that traveling up in the frigid hold of a plane. after the transfer to a new poultry mom. after my amateur farm girl upkeep. after all this: life happened. the fact is: sometimes nature is pretty.

go here to see pictures of the turkey chick, mr. giles corey, and to read meeno's account of the egg situation.

826LA's Fall-Time Yuk Fest!

do you enjoy laughing, or the laughter of others?

do you want to support the future writers of america? do you want children to be happy?

do you want to be "seen" in a hollywood setting?

do i have a show for you!? (the answer is yes, i do have a show for you.)

826LA provides free drop in tutoring as well as holds workshops that actually get children excited about writing and expressing themselves creatively. proceeds from this hilarious event go to the organization. 

the lineup:

tim & eric

janeane garafolo

patton oswalt

jimmy pardo

bill burr

al madrigal

and 

bob moore, who has dogs who walk on tightropes. that alone should have you excited to come to this show.

plus other special guests

when: wednesday, sept. 10th 2008

9pm (doors at 8)

at the avalon in hollywood

1735 vine st. (between hollywood and yucca)

hollywood, ca

18 and over

click HERE for tickets.

tickets are $25-$35

VIP tickets $75 (includes gift bag!)

premium table seats are $250-$5000

can't wait to see you there. feel free to pass this along to your friends. 

i had a dream there were clouds in my coffee

anyone who knows me knows that i enjoy coffee. i recently decided i needed to cut back on the caffeine, for various reasons. especially since i began working once more as a barista in a pasadena cafe. that espresso machine calls to me, tells me to make just one more shot, til before you know it, i have consumed 7. in an hour and a half. 

in my neighborhood, known as 'virgil village', but i just tell people that it's "silverlake, los feliz-ish", there is a place that is supposed to have the best coffee in l.a. i erroneously thought it was a scooter shop, considering it's....a scooter shop. that also has coffee. i didn't know about the coffee part until i was schooled one night on the way to the smogcutter. i think my los angeles card was almost revoked. anyway. i now know that choke serves coffee. 

since i have finally moved back into my apartment, after a summer of traveling and house sitting, i decided this morning to try choke out before going to work. i was not surprised to see an acquaintance from the smogcutter exiting as i entered. it's that close (how did this place escape me?!). i was instantly in love with the place. it smelled like a mechanic's, which i like for some reason. though i do not think i will ever own a scooter, i think i might like to take one for a ride sometime. there are all kinds of mysterious parts around the place. and pinball machines. sweet. a very handsome barista on crutches made me an americano, and it was one of the most delicious things i've ever tasted. good god, what are they putting in this coffee? needless to say, i have found my new coffee spot. and for 2 bucks, you can bet that i'll be there every morning i'm not at the cafe, pulling my own espresso shots.

i am quite lucky to have so many great coffee places near me, as well as the place i work. unless i am driving around the jungle of los angeles, i don't have to visit one of the corporate giant coffee stores. why settle for one of their watery, burnt bean concoctions when i can get an espresso at intelligencia? or check out all the ironic facial hair while sipping on a latte at the downbeat? or, of course, toast the patrons i serve at the little flower cafe in pasadena after making them a (hopefully) perfect drink?

i sure picked the wrong day to quit mainlining caffeine.

the echo park paddle boat regatta!

go ahead and say it, 'cause we all thinking it: slacker.

i know i am supposed to finish my thailand adventures, and trust me, the memories live vividly in my brain and they will eventually come out of there. i have been in the midst of writing several other pieces, mostly to be performed in front of a (captive) audience. so. this is just a break from thailand travels to ask you, and anyone you may know, for money.

i will be participating in a paddle boat regatta (that means "race" to you laymen) to raise money and awareness for an organization i have the pleasure of working for, 826LA. the time travel mart in echo park is the storefront for this non-profit, where i have been volunteering since december and working since april or so. 826 provides free drop in tutoring for children ages 6-18, as well as many programs geared toward helping these kids how to express themselves creatively, mainly through writing. a lot of funding has been cut from public schools, and we all know the first programs to go-the arts. 826 provides supplemental learning for the children affected by these cuts. please check out the website 826la.org for more information and to learn how to volunteer.

how can you help me? glad you asked. go to this link and make a tax deductible donation to sponsor me. all money i raise goes straight to 826LA, and gets me a closer to the finish line. seriously, even a buck helps. the name of my team: sparkle motion.

http://www./gifttool.com/athon/MyFundraisingPage?ID=168&AID=427&PID=41224

i also need the most spectacular cheering section at the regatta, but this is mostly due to my need for people yelling my name and generally praising me. so i hope you can make it out to the regatta, at echo park lake on august 17th at 4pm, to be followed by a concert at the echo.

contact me with any questions! much love!

thailand 2

our second day in chiang mai was low key and included my first of many hour long thai massages at the healing arts association. it was 120 baht (four dollars). we also walked (and tuk-tuk'ed) about the city, checking out the many temples. beautiful stuff. 

a tuk-tuk driver asked our nationality, and when we told him, he got a determined look in his eye, pumped his fist in the air, and said loudly "obama!!!". most people around the world know way more about what's going on in america than i will ever know about their country. this makes me humble and ashamed. i understand: america is watched by everyone because of the power we have, and the "assistance" (or "bullying", depending on how you look at it) our country gives worldwide. but it's amazing how much people follow the dog-and-pony show that is american politics. because let's face it, there is waaaay more drama pumped into an election than is needed. and i think that for the most part people in other countries (as well as a few americans) realize that. it was kinda cool to see an obama sticker on a car in bangkok, though. i am sure i don't need to tell you what everyone else in the world thinks about our current administration, so i won't go into it.

we met up with our new canadian friends to check out the chiang mai night safari. the night safari is basically a drive through zoo that you go to at night. you jump aboard a tram and it takes you through different animal habitats; some of the animals come right up next to you. like water buffalo. the more ferocious animals, such as the lions, tigers, and bears, have a sizable ditch between you and them. in between habitats, the tour guide would turn of the spotlights and we coasted through a cloud of blinking fireflies.

we opted for the tour in english, us not speaking thai and all, but i have to say, the guides' english was questionable. to the point that i think someone intentionally taught them the incorrect meanings for words, just to be an asshole. this conclusion was made after our guide called the zebras "sexy". then again, they seemed to anthropomorphize many of the animals, saying that they were lazy and liked to dance. but i have no idea why they would describe an animal as sexy, unless someone was having a laugh with them.

the whole thing ended, for some inexplicable reason, with a water/laser light show. it would have been a bitchin' venue for a laser zeppelin show, complete with jackals and camels.

we headed to the famous night market after we left the safari. the night market is a total dream for people who love to shop. it's even better for those who love to haggle. both of these things make me somewhat wary. though it's fun getting new stuff, i am not always jazzed at the process of looking for it (unless its music or books). and the thought of bargaining with people gives me a stomach ache. my companions, however, seem to thrive off of it, so it was interesting to watch them work. they tried coaching me on my haggling skills from the sidelines, but i'm pretty sure i ended up paying double what the people originally offered. i think overall, though, lisa scored the prize of the evening: a teak penis. it is supposed to give the bearer good luck. and....it's a penis. 

our next day was one of the most action packed of the trip: a full day trek in the northern hills. we travelled from the city to the northern, more rural region. our first stop was an elephant camp, where we rode through the jungle on one of the most peaceful and graceful creatures i've ever come into contact with. we had bags of bananas and sugar cane, and our elephant (whose name was something in thai that slips my mind, though they called her "big mama", as she was the grandmother of the two baby elephants that were in attendance) would stop every once in a while to throw her trunk back and up to us to get a treat. when our elephant "driver" asked us where we were from,  told him america. he asked where, and i told him california. he got very excited and said "yes! hotel california!!"(this happened many other times on the trip. apparently, 'hotel california' is a very popular song in thailand, and though i can't really stand it myself, i can't help but think it's popularity in turn made me popular among the thai people.) 

after we left the elephant camp, we went on a sweet hike to the meo hill tribe, then to a waterfall deep in the jungle. after walking across several rickity-assed bamboo bridges, we made it to the karen hill tribe. 

the karen are a group of people who fled from burma (known also as myanmar, but to most everyone in thailand it is 'burma', as myanmar is the name given to the country by the militia groups), away from the military extremest government. fleeing is a popular choice for a lot of the burmese people, but it is a dangerous one. the government has ruled the burmese people with guns, bombs, and forced labor for almost 20 years. burma's true leader and nobel peace price recipient, aung san suu kyi has been under house arrest on and off for many years now. she refuses to leave her country and her people until human rights are restored to burma. 

my friend rie has been an activist for the liberation of burma for as long as i have know her, and a few days after my return, rie was having an awareness raising get together where she put herself under house arrest for 24 hours in dedication to aung san suu kyi and her upcoming birthday. we watched some devastating footage and documentaries about the many injustices in burma, not just in the past but that are going on right now. these acts, including forced labor, rape, ethnic cleansing, strict censorship, and murder, cannot continue. PLEASE go to the website for the U.S. Campaign for Burma and sign up; even if you cannot donate money, your awareness, and the spreading of this awareness, can help these people.

the karen people were quite peaceful and happy, though they did not have many things. i think just being able to live in their village without fear of getting run off, plus the fact they seemed to have plenty of food and betel nut, was enough for them. it was quite a humbling experience.

after we left the tribe, we were brought to a shack where we were given a delicious lunch, prepared by people in the area. dogs lounged under our feet and begged for our rather spicy scraps. with full bellies, we were taken to a river where we took off on bamboo rafts. after about 90 minutes on the river, we made it back to our van, and back down the curvy road to the city.

this day wore me the hell out, but it didn't stop me from freshening up and heading to the patio of our hotel for some tiger beers. i sat with the owners of the hotel and some of their friends who relocated to chiang mai from the u.k. they invited us to go to dinner with them, at a place we would have never set foot in had we not been taken there. it wasn't that it was scary looking, only that it was one of those places where you collect food at different booths to then cook yourself at the table. and it was confusing. luckily we were with locals and they showed us the ropes-it was quite possibly one of the most satisfying and delicious meals i've had to date. after dinner, we went to the tiny bar, the smallest bar in the world. owned by a hilarious and energetic thai man named B (bea? bee?), this bar looks like it was a leftover closet from the other bars in the strip. and though it was the smallest, it had more customers than any of the other bars. and those customers were *rowdy*. ok, maybe i had a big part to do with that rowdiness, but B was egging me on. this is where we found out that a lot of people in chiang mai don't give a shit about being in the "lonely planet" guide; in fact they would rather not be. we witnessed this the next night in another bar called "the wall" (as in "pink floyd's..."). we also learned that we were in chiang mai's famous "pink light district". after having about 5 "one more drink"s, we headed back to the room, where apparently i proceeded to dance to loud steely dan. in my underwear. (gotta love the dan!)

ok, i know these posts are slow in coming; i apologize if you have been waiting with bated breath for the whole story. but i promised, if you ask nicely and provide wine, i will come over and tell you in person...

up next: back to bangkok!

until then: pictures!  

thailand, part 1

ok, so i didn't update my blog during my trip. trust me, it was worth it. if i spent too much time on the computer, i wouldn't have as much to write about now that i am home. and now that it's almost midnight on wednesday, and i am barely tired, i will begin.

as all adventures do, this one started out with one step. well, several steps. then a big ass flight overseas. oh, how i abhor flying. and i had a good 15 hours of it to look forward to. luckily, i brought along chuck pahluniuk's latest, snuff. it's about what you think it's about: porn. not my favorite of chuck's, but quite entertaining. after i finished that book, i was forced to watch one of the most worst movies ever made, 27 dresses. i will not go into how much this movie disturbed me. (also, don't think this whole entry is going to be negative. i had a fucking blast, but i just wouldn't be me if i didn't shoot down this abomination of a movie).

after a layover in the taipei, taiwan airport, i arrive in bangkok at about 1am. walking through the airport, i am accosted by people shouting "taxi! taxi!" and "where you go?" i just smile and nod, but they take this as a sign to follow me, so they do. i quickly learned to just tune them out, much like the jesus freaks you sometimes have to ignore on the streets of hollywood. or the scientologists.

beth got us a room at the airport hotel, a very nice place just across the street from the airport. there was a shuttle waiting to take me and some of the other guests. since i was alone, the drive asked me to sit in front. he was stowing the bags in the back, so i walked to what i thought was the passenger side and opened the door. there was a steering wheel. "what, you wanna drive?" the driver asked, poking his head out from the back. i could hear everyone giggling in the back of the shuttle. great. my first five minutes in asia and already i am a dick. i decided to laugh at myself and soon me and all the other people were laughing together. 

i met beth at the hotel and we had a few glasses of wine. i was far from tired. this would catch up with me; though i slept a couple of hours, i was a nervous mess in the morning. was it the long flight, the culture shock, the excitement? probably all of these things caused me to get up early and obsessively unpack and pack my bag until beth woke up. once we were outside, in the hot humid air, i felt much better.

the drive to downtown bangkok was one of those moments that i realized that i was somewhere else entirely. the city of bangkok is a huge, sprawling city, made up of super tall buildings and small run down shacks. billboards cover a lot of space; some in english, some in thai. you can see the buddhist alters scattered everywhere. 

koh san road is one of the more touristy places in bangkok. there are street vendors, stores selling clothes, sunglasses, bootleg movies and music, trinkets and t-shirts. there are tailors who will try to get you to come in and see their work, they tell me "you very lucky lady! you come and i make you pretty!" there are massage salons and 7-11's, both of which become integral in anyone's thailand holiday. we partook in some light shopping, pad thai and beers for lunch, and met up with my friend crystal, who i used to work with and who just happened to be in thailand the same time as us. then a quick foot massage before heading back to the airport to fly up to chiang mai. easy flight, one hour.

arriving in chiang mai it is easy to see that it is much different than bangkok. smaller, less "crazy". except for the dudes with AK47's at the airport. yikes. we hopped in a cab that took us to the guesthouse beth had booked for us. we checked it out and....well, it was clean. it was a far cry from the novatel we stayed at the night before, but we knew most places would be a little less extravagant. the bathroom didn't have a shower stall, just the shower head next to the toilet and a drain in the floor (actually very common in thailand). the bathroom was inexplicably decorated with disney 101 dalmatians tiles. we tried the bed (one, not two like we had asked) and we could feel the springs poking through the thin mattress. "let's take a walk!" beth suggested. we ended up stumbling across a beautiful place called the sira boutique hotel. we went in to look at a room and we were sold. not only was the place gorgeous, but the staff was super friendly and helpful. robb, one of the owners, personally took us back to our original place to pick up our bags. after dropping our stuff off at our new room, which would be our little piece of heaven for the next four nights, we went next door to a restaurant to have a late meal and some beers. there, we met up with three awesome canadian ladies: heidi, lisa, and kim, who were also staying in our hotel. they told us they went through pretty much the same deal: checked into a place, didn't dig it, and just happened upon the sira, which they had been at for the past couple of days and were loving it. we joined our new friends out for some dancing at cluster of open air bars, all with live music. the first one had a reggae band, then the next one had a thai radiohead cover band. no lie. the bar was called heaven beach and the floor was a bunch of sand. it was wild. after the bars closed, we grabbed a tuk-tuk back home to the sira. 

i promise, the rest to come, as well as pictures!

as much as i wish i was still in thailand, i am happy to be home.

leavin' on a jetplane

on this day, the day i leave for thailand, my stomach is in knots. i always have flight anxiety. not because i am afraid the plane will go down, but rather because i don't particularly enjoy being uncomfortable. and the thought of being uncomfortable for almost 20 hours is almost unbearable. the payoff, though, is great, so with a little help from booze and tylenol p.m., i think i'll be o.k.!

i just got off the phone with beth. she was in d.c. at her layover. i cannot believe we will be meeting up on the other side of the world. it makes me feel like the earth is actually very small and to traverse the sphere is no big deal.

i had an amazing sending off party-thanks to anyone who made it out. it was just another barn burner over at the smogcutter, but the crazy love was in high gear. my friends are simply the best, and i take a little moment every day to send out gratitude for them. and for karaoke.

another big thanks to meeno and ilse, who are letting me stay at their guesthouse when i return. i am subletting my place through july, and will be staying at the spectacular skyfarm upon my return to the country. skyfarm was the feature in the 'home' section of the l.a. times this week. do take a look. i will be living in the guesthouse. the one that has the caption "...was once filled with snakes and black widow spiders." no, they are not still there.

i hope to update at some point in my trip, but i am sure no one will blame me if i don't. there will be plenty of stories when i get back. hopefully they will be full of laughter, adventure, and cute australian backpackers...

one night in bangkok

only one week until i embark on my thailand journey. my friends  gave me a pack to take with me. i am usually your typical over packer. how am i supposed to know what i feel like wearing? might as well bring it all. so, going halfway across the world with only a half filled backpack sounds like a damn good idea. nice and liberating. though i can't help but think that the lack of "stuff" and "things" will be hard to get used to. hardly any beauty products (with the exception of deodorant and toothpaste. and lots and lots of spf 60 sunblock), no jeans (too hot), a very large hat, and just one bikini. i plan on buying sarongs over there. i'll need at least one long sleeved shirt and long pants to wear in the temples. 

i've been biting my nails, waiting for this stimulation check, only to find out that they will not be issuing it to me until after i depart, in paper form. urgh. this was not the plan. this slight hiccup caused me to partake in one of my least favorite activities, one i haven't had to do in a while: call the folks and ask for money. my family has helped me out numerous times since i moved out here, hell, even before that, and i am most appreciative. but asking for help has never been easy for me. luckily it will be a temporary loan, that is if they can do it. i know that this use of my economic stimulation check is not what bush has in mind (stimulating *another* economy) but, and this may come as a shock, i do not give a flying fuck at the moon what our president thinks i should do with my money. 

we're having a hard time deciding which island to visit while over there. ko tao was our first choice, but we have heard rumors of possible "social unrest" that may not be american friendly. ko samui is also on the list, but it is pretty popular and may be crowded. while doing "research" aka drinking at the smogcutter and talking to the staff, all of whom are thai, they suggest going to a couple islands. i figure we can ferry around to the different places and stay at the one that is most our speed. the only fatal flaw in this plan: i tend to get extremely seasick. too much time on a boat does not make me happy.

all in all, not bad problems to have. 

come and have a drink with me next wednesday, may 21st at the smogcutter. just a casual sending off get together, a chance to say goodbye just in case i decide to not come back.

"my god, i deserve a break today."

picture this:
a large conference room, filled with suited yes-men. a giant statue of a red wigged, white faced clown glowers down at these men, as if to say, "i am watching you. make me money, or i will eat your face" (god i hate clowns). it's the corporate headquarters for mcdonald's, and the suits are looking for their next big rip-off after flavored iced coffee, which is for people who hate coffee.

a pimply faced intern brings in sheets upon sheets of paper containing research. research on what america is currently shoving in their faces. research on how mcdonald's can corner that market. somewhere, buried in these stacks of paper, are the words "dwarf house".

for those of you who are not from the south, "dwarf house" was the original name for chick-fil-a, of which there are only a handful in california, where in georgia, you can't throw a cow without hitting one. i assume they changed their name so as not to offend the dwarf community. there are actually still a few in the atlanta area with the name "dwarf house", complete with a tiny door in the front. i would like to say, officially, that not all southerners are oblivious to offensiveness.

"sirs, what about chick-fil-a?" the sweaty intern inquires. "people in the south eat this shit up, and folks in southern california drive 45 minutes just to get one of their sandwiches. what do ya think?" he finished, hoping he would not be admonished for cursing. the clown did not approve of foul language.

(i would like to point out that i had no idea there were chick-fil-a's out here until just recently, so i have never driven 45 minutes to get to one, only heard stories of those who had. just trying to defend myself and not seem like a complete "fat girl". even though i am devoting an entire blog to fried chicken. even though i have considered driving to arizona to go to waffle house.)

and so, mcdonald's finally ripped off the chick-fil-a sandwich. today they are giving away free chicken biscuits and chicken sandwiches at stores all over california (apparently they have been testing the chicken elsewhere). i, of course, had to try it out.

one of the billboards for this new fare says "chicken? for breakfast!?!". this concept is not new to me. if you grew up in georgia, you ate fried chicken all of the time, and didn't question it. chick-fil-a sponsored most school events, and was a staple of families everywhere. in my early high school years, i would go there once a week for young life, a non-denominational christian youth group. we would eat chicken for breakfast and sing songs about jesus.

speaking of jesus, one of people's biggest beefs (no pun intended) with chick-fil-a is that it is closed on sundays. the owner of the business is a southern baptist, which is not the kookiest baptist, but it's up there. there is all kinds of bible-licious things going on in the 'fil-a. much like in-n-out; jesus is in your milkshake.

with my bias firmly in place, i headed over to my friendly neighborhood micky d's. i ordered my obligatory medium drink to get the free biscuit. coffee. they were out of medium cups so they gave me a large bucket o' coffee, which is actually not half bad. the biscuit could not seem to contain the pressure cooked chicken. the original biscuit at chick-fil-a seemed to hold tight to the chicken, almost lovingly. "i won't let go, darlin'." it drawled to the breast. whereas mcdonald's biscuit, like most things californian, was....flaky. it fell apart immediately. plus, an inner voice kept saying, "you are eating mcdonalds." which was a total buzz kill. that being said, the chicken was much tastier than any fast food chicken i'd had before, besides you-know-who.

another detrimental element for mcdonald's: no sweet tea. i have yet to find anywhere in california that serves this panacea. no, you cannot just add a packet of sugar. that's not how it works, and if you think that, i feel sorry for you.

i wish i could say i was going to make it over there for a free lunch, but i really don't think i can deal with the meat sweats today. yes, i'm a southerner, and we eat lots of fried chicken, even in crazy heat and humidity. but i've been in l.a. for almost 7 years now, and i have grown accustomed to their eating habits. so instead of a fried chicken sandwich, i think i'll have a tab and jog around the silverlake reservoir. bon appetite!

so much advice, so little time!

someone pointed me in the direction of an article called "marry him!"

this article was written by a woman who had a child on her own, and is advocating "settling"; marrying a man you aren't that into. she claims that while she decided to have and raise a child alone, she now wishes that she had married one of the guys she dated that, while they may have been really nice and smart, she just didn't feel that "spark" with. she believes the earlier a woman decides to settle, the easier it will be, since we become more and more discriminating as we get older.

sound crazy? though i am totally against this mentality for myself, ms. gottlieb makes a case for women whose goal it is to have a family. she says to look for a business partner, not necessarily lloyd dobler, when trying to find a mate. now, i am pretty sure i don't want to get married, and the jury is out when it comes to children. it will be out for quite a few more years. so when i hear, "so what if you don't really love him? he'll be a great dad.", it makes me a little uneasy.

she goes on to say that a lot of women discriminate on small things, like the habit of yelling "bravo" at a movie theater, height, or unfortunate noses. i guess i would get kind of annoyed at someone yelling "bravo" when the people in the movie clearly cannot hear you, but i am sure there might be plenty of things this mystery guy would have to put up with from me (constantly changing accents, singing the answers to questions instead of saying them, the need for at least 7 pillows in the bed). so i say, as long as it doesn't set your teeth on edge, learn to live with it. as far as the height, noses, etc....again, we are all flawed. many of my friends have laughed at the men i find attractive, saying that i go for the most strange and unconventional looks. any time my friend jenny sees a total nerd, she always points him out to me: "look lauren, he's just your type!" now i have gone out with many different "types", but maybe i tend to go for the more dorky types. in "why smart men marry smart women", referenced in this article, a woman calls men that other women may not recognize as great the 'secrets'. i'm not sure if this is fair or accurate, especially since the whole geek chic thing is very popular right now. and i have never dated anyone just because i thought that no one else would be competing for them.

the article also referenced the infamous "he's just not that into you". i never read this book, but after reading this article, i dug up some material from the book. for those not in the know, this book is pretty much the opposite of the above article. women are supposed to let guys "chase" them and "hunt" them....like prey. apparently, men feel the need to work for the affections of a lady. and if he ain't doing the work, he ain't into you. so, no, you cannot call him-he's got to call you. just sit back and do some knitting. ok, to be fair, the book has an underlying current of 'you are too incredible and fabulous to have to deal with men's bullshit excuses ("i've just been so busy! and my internet is down! and i forgot your name!") so just be fabulous and let the men ask you out'. i get it: don't be distracted by 'getting a man'. focus on you. pretty soon you realize that you are happy doing things yourself and you become uber confident and that confidence attracts men. they show up when you're not looking; total irony.

i also have a married friend who claims that you, as a woman, deserve someone who adores and worships you, perhaps even more than you adore him.

i can't tell you how many times i've been given advice on men. as a single 28 year old woman, many folks just can't wait to tell me what i'm doing wrong: "you're too independent", "you don't make a guy feel needed enough", "you need to turn down your theta" (i believe that last one is from scientology. no shit.) i feel that if i can't just be myself, than what, my friends, is the point?

i seriously wonder if men obsess about being single as much as women do. i have plenty of guy friends, but i can never discern just what is going on inside that manly head of theirs, just like they will never truly understand me. all i know is that i have so many amazing, beautiful, smart and funny girl friends who just can't seem to get a date. and it kills them.

there are way too many dating manuals out there. my friend molly was reading a few of them as research for something she was writing, including one called "why men love bitches". what?!?! are you serious? she instructed me to never, under any circumstance, read this book.

it cracks me up how so many people take these self help books to heart. it's so much like the dieting industry: a new one pops up every few months, and everyone is expected to be on the train. people, just eat right and exercise if you want to be healthy. just be yourself, be kind, live your wonderful life and don't be a complete stalker if you want to find a life partner who wants you just as you are.

summertime....livin's easy

so far the summer seems to be shaping up nicely. for the past few years, the arrival of summer has not meant that much to me; i usually didn't go on any specific summer journey, nor did go to the beach every weekend. this is not to say i did not enjoy myself. i am sure i was happy, for the most part. i just never said to myself, "yeah, alright! summer! best season ever!"

this year is different. i have left my job, which was quickly taking over my life. i am doing lots of little jobs that i love, jobs that don't come home with me, except for maybe a grin when remembering something fun. i have an amazing trip lined up, my first off of this continent, with one of the most beautiful souls i know. when i return, i get to live in a fantastic house, with all kinds of flora and fauna, part of the time with my "second family". the drive by truckers are coming back to southern california, which anyone who knows me knows is cause for jubilation.

i also just found out that steely dan are here in july. STEELY freakin' DAN! my obsession with the dan started for me in the fall of '98, when i first heard the album 'aja' in its entirety. i was living in gainesville, florida, working as a live in nanny, and my family had the cd. yeah, i had heard these guys, but they had yet to permeate my soul (ok, so i'm a bit fanatical). i must have listened to this cd over and over for weeks; i'm pretty sure that nathan, my charge, knew the words to 'black cow'.
{on a tangent here, i want to tell a quick story about nate. he is amazing, and i have always adored him, and always will. when i was living with him and his family, he was two years old. i was, as usual, listening to a lot of neil young at this time, as well as steely dan. nate loved dinosaurs, and would always throw the word "dinosaur" into any form of communication he could. one day i heard him singing to himself "hey hey, my my. rock and roll will never dinosaur!". i will never ever forget that for as long as i live.}
right. so. steely dan is forever ingrained in my psyche. i am very excited to see them live, even if it is probably going to cost a fortune to go. so be it.

after all this madness is a visit from beth, who is my thailand travels partner. if she is still speaking to me after 2 weeks together in a foreign country, she will be coming out here to l.a. and then we are headed up north for the outside lands festival. holy crap, this looks like it's going to be a great one.

yeah! summer! finally!

a rose by any other name

i have been talking about changing my last name for a while now. it will happen, hopefully sooner rather than later, but because i needed a passport in a hurry, i couldn't go through the procedure. so after i get back to the country, i will work on changing my last name....to 'rock'.

rock is one of my favorite words. it can mean so many different things: to be rocked, either by person or chair, is quite soothing. someone can be your rock in times of trouble, or one can be 'solid as a...'. and then there is this 'rock music' i've heard so much about.

i have no illusions that things will be different after my name is changed. i currently have no connection to my last name, so i simply wanted something i could be happy with. someone suggested that i have a big party and register myself at a store somewhere, just as someone who was getting married (and probably changing their last name....get it?) would do. seems like a good idea. any time there are presents to me are involved, i've been pretty o.k. with it.

i have been celebrating a little too often as of late. i wrecked my liver and pulled a muscle in my back last week by "celebrating" a bit too enthusiastically. "i found someone to sublet my place, let's celebrate!", "i got my passport, let's celebrate!", "i am entirely too broke and kinda hungover, let's do this!". no more. the jubilation will remain, but going out for drinks and/or karaoke for every small accomplishment. that's just ridiculous. that being said, though, i will for sure be having a send off before i shove off for thailand....be prepared.

simple twist of fate

recently, i was having a discussion about music with my friend clyde, who is 6. he is learning to play piano and his parents had told him that i was a singer. he asked what kind of music i sing. i told him that i would sing most anything, but mostly rock and blues. i told him that some of my happiest memories were singing at northside tavern in atlanta, a dive; a leaky-roofed blues bar in atlanta. clyde, being an old soul (which i guess is why i could be nostalgic about a smelly old bar with him), said "oh, the blues! i know about the blues. it's music that's not supposed to make the person playing it feel better, but make the people listening to it feel worse."

that's one way to put it.

i wasn't lying-being on the stage at northside, those nights when my dear friend devon was hosting an open mike there, or when some random band asked me to sing with them-these are some of my fondest memories. some of them are fuzzy, due to all the jim beam i was drinking at them time, but for the most part, i remember them well and with a smile on my face. and when i wasn't mucking about on stage (because i was seriously out of my league), there were some kickass musicians playing their heart and soul out to a lucky audience.

today, one of the people from this community of amazing musicians has died, way too early. sean costello was great at what he did, and my heart goes out to his loved ones. he would have been 29 tomorrow.

hear is a video of him doing bob dylan's 'simple twist of fate' at northside.

it's official: i'm goin' to thailand!!!!

i just purchased my first ever ticket to bangkok. hell. yes.

it all began about a month ago. my friend beth called me up to tell me that she planned a trip to thailand. by herself. which only proves how kickass beth is. when she voiced only the slightest trepidation about going alone, i, like any good friend, said "i'll go too!!!" i wasn't sure how i was going to swing it. i was in chicago when i talked to beth, on a business trip. it was my last week working for a company i had worked at for 2 years. i had no real job lined up for when i got back, and i was strangely calm with that. my life, you could say, was in a serious state of flux. a dangerous place to be when trying to plan a trip to thailand ("maybe i'll go for a few months! and teach english as a second language!") with the help of my amazing friends, i was able to finagle a ticket. once i get over there, things will be very cheap. thank god for the "economic stimulation" check i will be getting next month!

i cannot stress how much i adore the people in my life who have helped me out over the years. i try not to question what i have done to deserve them.

so. beth and i meet in bangkok on may 25th. then we are off to chiang mai, the mountainous region in northern thailand. there for a few days and then probably off to a beach, maybe ko tao. beth leaves on the 7th and i am alone (gulp) until the 11th. some planning will go down between now and then. if anyone has been to thailand and has any suggestions, please get in touch with me and give me your opinion!

also, i am looking for someone to sublet my l.a. studio apartment for the months of june/july. if you know of anyone who might be interested in a furnished pad in lala land for a couple months, again, contact me.

i am too excited.

also accomplished today: dmv, yoga in the park, got yet another job, this one at a bakery/cafe that specializes in making caramels and marshmallows (http://littleflowercandyco.com/) which could prove dangerous to my plan of getting my ass into shape before i hit thailand, AND i met dave eggers. while i was dressed as a viking.

pretty busy day, i would say. life is fun, life is good.

i'll get you my pretty....and your little dog too!

i saw wicked today at the pantages theater in hollywood. i went with my friend bindi, who is 6.

i am a dork. i knew all the words to this musical before even seeing it. this is largely in part to my friend emily berry, (strawberry festival queen '03) who gave me the soundtrack to the show years ago. i read the book, which was WAY darker than the musical (more death, more deformity, more gender ambiguity). but i gotta tell ya-this is a good effin show. in order to not embarrass bindi, i had to make sure i a) did not sing along and b) did not start crying. i am the kind of person who is easily moved by big ass musical numbers, even if they're singing about something as lame as...oz. clearly, i have issues. big ass musical issues.

as my friend molly pointed out-what a great show to bring a young lady to. there are two strong female leads and the moral is to be yourself. bindi was perplexed that the wicked witch (elphaba) was "actually kinda nice" and that the good witch (glinda) was "very silly", or in my words "a pain in the ass". but you end up loving everyone in the end. plus, laugh-in's joanne whorley is in the cast...who could ask for anything more?

on another topic-jesus h. it's hotter than georgia asphalt in l.a.! just in time for me to realize the a/c in my car no longer works. my mechanic is right: i should really find a husband to help me out with all this car madness.

what are you wearing?

last week i applied for a job as a phone sex operator. i had knocked around this idea last time i was without a job, but ended up not going for it before i landed work. in the spirit of adventure, i decided to scope it out this time.

after calling the number on a craigslist ad, i went to a nondescript office in burbank. i was handed a thick stack of papers to fill out. these papers included the manual for dealing with calls, which i thought odd considering i was just there to apply and ask questions. perhaps they had too many people come in not knowing exactly how graphic these calls got, and this was their way of showing applicants just what they were getting into. i had to really stifle my laughter reading this thing.

here's the deal with most phone sex hotlines: a lot of these ladies work from home, for 4-8 hour shifts, where they wait on their phone for a "call tag" to come in from the home office. these "call tags" describe what the person on the line is into; the caller tells the original operator what they want and the operator patches them through to one of the waiting ladies. the calls are monitored by supervisors.

just to be clear, i really had no qualms with doing this job until i heard how these supervisors treated the women who do the calls after the customer hung up. it was so degrading: "gloria, what the fuck?! why did you let him hang up so quickly? i swear to god, gloria, if you ever do that again you will no longer have a job here. we aren't here to get people off, we're here to make money."

now, i get it. it is a business, but that is no way to treat your employees, especially in front of people who are applying for a job! and these gals ain't getting paid well (another reason i did not take the job. for some reason, i thought it was going to be good money!) the way they were treated was way more degrading than what they were pretending to do over the phone. they signed up to say outrageous, sexual things, not to get dressed down by some random dude in burbank.

after i gave them back the paperwork, expecting to just get the hell outta there, they told me to have a seat and someone would be out to fetch me for training. what?!?! i just filled out the paperwork to *apply*, why the hell would they put me into training already? i had questions about the job, i told them, before i could jump into "training". the woman looked confused and walked away. another women poked her head out of a door and asked me to come in. we sat down and i asked her how much the job paid (again, i had to stifle laughter after hearing the amount) and what the hours were. she asked me if i had done this job before (no) and then asked me if i had ever done it "for fun". i am pretty sure that no matter what job you are applying for, they have no right to ask about your sex life. i understand that it can be considered amateur work, or a hobby or something, but we were talking about phone sex. i played it cool, though, and said "uh, yeah! of course." she explained that they pay wasn't great (thanks, captain obvious) but the great thing was, you could do it on your own time! for extra cash! you probably have four hours where you are at home not up to much, right? yes, i do. when i am sleeping. and i likes my sleep.

i got outta there, and of course did not have the balls to say i wasn't going to take the job. to be honest, there was a slight possibility i might have done it still, just for a short while, just to get some good stories. so i told them i'd call them if i could come in to train.

i never called. but i did get away with the manual, thank goodness. so, if you ever need tips on how to be "barely legal", "married slut", or "transexual", please give me a call. i promise i won't ask for your credit card number.

after i left the office, i headed for ikea. i was, after all, in burbank, and i needed to be in a neat, clean, safe environment immediately. plus i was out of tealights.

inaug-o-blog

lebowski: are you employed, sir?
dude: employed?
lebowski: you don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday.
dude: is this a-what day is this?

yes, it's true. being unemployed in los angeles is a dangerous game. it's so easy to stay that way. there are lots of us here, strolling the streets, going to yoga in the park, taking advantage of easy trader joe's parking; hollywood is full of people without real jobs. and while i have no problem with breaking the desk job paradigm, things like rent and bills and needing beer money haunt my thoughts and make me wonder just how i'm going to pull it off.

o.k., so i'm not fully unemployed. i am no longer doing the 40 hour a week-benefits-paid days off thing. i am working somewhat freelance: babysitting, house sitting, pet sitting, book keeping, dog walking, gutter cleaning, foot massaging....whatever.

also, i am working at the echo park time travel mart. it is a convenience store for time travelers. we carry things from the past and things from the future, such as viking "odorant" and robot emotion upgrades. we also carry mcsweeney's books and magazines. i go to work in period costumes; this week i was a viking one day and from the 70's another day.

the mart is the storefront for 826LA, a free drop in tutoring center for kids age 6-18. it was started by dave eggers in san francisco and has now spread to 7 locations around the country, the newest being in echo park, down the street from my apartment. please check out 826la.org if you are in l.a. or 826national.org for everywhere else. i highly encourage everyone to volunteer, even if it's just a few hours a month. the goal is to provide a one-to-one ratio of tutors to students, so every bit helps!

another odd job i have is doing a murder mystery dinner theater show on a boat out of long beach. here is the website:
thedinnerdetective.com

it seems like i am doing a lot...but i'm not. so call me if you need your gutters cleaned.