"my god, i deserve a break today."

picture this:
a large conference room, filled with suited yes-men. a giant statue of a red wigged, white faced clown glowers down at these men, as if to say, "i am watching you. make me money, or i will eat your face" (god i hate clowns). it's the corporate headquarters for mcdonald's, and the suits are looking for their next big rip-off after flavored iced coffee, which is for people who hate coffee.

a pimply faced intern brings in sheets upon sheets of paper containing research. research on what america is currently shoving in their faces. research on how mcdonald's can corner that market. somewhere, buried in these stacks of paper, are the words "dwarf house".

for those of you who are not from the south, "dwarf house" was the original name for chick-fil-a, of which there are only a handful in california, where in georgia, you can't throw a cow without hitting one. i assume they changed their name so as not to offend the dwarf community. there are actually still a few in the atlanta area with the name "dwarf house", complete with a tiny door in the front. i would like to say, officially, that not all southerners are oblivious to offensiveness.

"sirs, what about chick-fil-a?" the sweaty intern inquires. "people in the south eat this shit up, and folks in southern california drive 45 minutes just to get one of their sandwiches. what do ya think?" he finished, hoping he would not be admonished for cursing. the clown did not approve of foul language.

(i would like to point out that i had no idea there were chick-fil-a's out here until just recently, so i have never driven 45 minutes to get to one, only heard stories of those who had. just trying to defend myself and not seem like a complete "fat girl". even though i am devoting an entire blog to fried chicken. even though i have considered driving to arizona to go to waffle house.)

and so, mcdonald's finally ripped off the chick-fil-a sandwich. today they are giving away free chicken biscuits and chicken sandwiches at stores all over california (apparently they have been testing the chicken elsewhere). i, of course, had to try it out.

one of the billboards for this new fare says "chicken? for breakfast!?!". this concept is not new to me. if you grew up in georgia, you ate fried chicken all of the time, and didn't question it. chick-fil-a sponsored most school events, and was a staple of families everywhere. in my early high school years, i would go there once a week for young life, a non-denominational christian youth group. we would eat chicken for breakfast and sing songs about jesus.

speaking of jesus, one of people's biggest beefs (no pun intended) with chick-fil-a is that it is closed on sundays. the owner of the business is a southern baptist, which is not the kookiest baptist, but it's up there. there is all kinds of bible-licious things going on in the 'fil-a. much like in-n-out; jesus is in your milkshake.

with my bias firmly in place, i headed over to my friendly neighborhood micky d's. i ordered my obligatory medium drink to get the free biscuit. coffee. they were out of medium cups so they gave me a large bucket o' coffee, which is actually not half bad. the biscuit could not seem to contain the pressure cooked chicken. the original biscuit at chick-fil-a seemed to hold tight to the chicken, almost lovingly. "i won't let go, darlin'." it drawled to the breast. whereas mcdonald's biscuit, like most things californian, was....flaky. it fell apart immediately. plus, an inner voice kept saying, "you are eating mcdonalds." which was a total buzz kill. that being said, the chicken was much tastier than any fast food chicken i'd had before, besides you-know-who.

another detrimental element for mcdonald's: no sweet tea. i have yet to find anywhere in california that serves this panacea. no, you cannot just add a packet of sugar. that's not how it works, and if you think that, i feel sorry for you.

i wish i could say i was going to make it over there for a free lunch, but i really don't think i can deal with the meat sweats today. yes, i'm a southerner, and we eat lots of fried chicken, even in crazy heat and humidity. but i've been in l.a. for almost 7 years now, and i have grown accustomed to their eating habits. so instead of a fried chicken sandwich, i think i'll have a tab and jog around the silverlake reservoir. bon appetite!