so much advice, so little time!

someone pointed me in the direction of an article called "marry him!"

this article was written by a woman who had a child on her own, and is advocating "settling"; marrying a man you aren't that into. she claims that while she decided to have and raise a child alone, she now wishes that she had married one of the guys she dated that, while they may have been really nice and smart, she just didn't feel that "spark" with. she believes the earlier a woman decides to settle, the easier it will be, since we become more and more discriminating as we get older.

sound crazy? though i am totally against this mentality for myself, ms. gottlieb makes a case for women whose goal it is to have a family. she says to look for a business partner, not necessarily lloyd dobler, when trying to find a mate. now, i am pretty sure i don't want to get married, and the jury is out when it comes to children. it will be out for quite a few more years. so when i hear, "so what if you don't really love him? he'll be a great dad.", it makes me a little uneasy.

she goes on to say that a lot of women discriminate on small things, like the habit of yelling "bravo" at a movie theater, height, or unfortunate noses. i guess i would get kind of annoyed at someone yelling "bravo" when the people in the movie clearly cannot hear you, but i am sure there might be plenty of things this mystery guy would have to put up with from me (constantly changing accents, singing the answers to questions instead of saying them, the need for at least 7 pillows in the bed). so i say, as long as it doesn't set your teeth on edge, learn to live with it. as far as the height, noses, etc....again, we are all flawed. many of my friends have laughed at the men i find attractive, saying that i go for the most strange and unconventional looks. any time my friend jenny sees a total nerd, she always points him out to me: "look lauren, he's just your type!" now i have gone out with many different "types", but maybe i tend to go for the more dorky types. in "why smart men marry smart women", referenced in this article, a woman calls men that other women may not recognize as great the 'secrets'. i'm not sure if this is fair or accurate, especially since the whole geek chic thing is very popular right now. and i have never dated anyone just because i thought that no one else would be competing for them.

the article also referenced the infamous "he's just not that into you". i never read this book, but after reading this article, i dug up some material from the book. for those not in the know, this book is pretty much the opposite of the above article. women are supposed to let guys "chase" them and "hunt" them....like prey. apparently, men feel the need to work for the affections of a lady. and if he ain't doing the work, he ain't into you. so, no, you cannot call him-he's got to call you. just sit back and do some knitting. ok, to be fair, the book has an underlying current of 'you are too incredible and fabulous to have to deal with men's bullshit excuses ("i've just been so busy! and my internet is down! and i forgot your name!") so just be fabulous and let the men ask you out'. i get it: don't be distracted by 'getting a man'. focus on you. pretty soon you realize that you are happy doing things yourself and you become uber confident and that confidence attracts men. they show up when you're not looking; total irony.

i also have a married friend who claims that you, as a woman, deserve someone who adores and worships you, perhaps even more than you adore him.

i can't tell you how many times i've been given advice on men. as a single 28 year old woman, many folks just can't wait to tell me what i'm doing wrong: "you're too independent", "you don't make a guy feel needed enough", "you need to turn down your theta" (i believe that last one is from scientology. no shit.) i feel that if i can't just be myself, than what, my friends, is the point?

i seriously wonder if men obsess about being single as much as women do. i have plenty of guy friends, but i can never discern just what is going on inside that manly head of theirs, just like they will never truly understand me. all i know is that i have so many amazing, beautiful, smart and funny girl friends who just can't seem to get a date. and it kills them.

there are way too many dating manuals out there. my friend molly was reading a few of them as research for something she was writing, including one called "why men love bitches". what?!?! are you serious? she instructed me to never, under any circumstance, read this book.

it cracks me up how so many people take these self help books to heart. it's so much like the dieting industry: a new one pops up every few months, and everyone is expected to be on the train. people, just eat right and exercise if you want to be healthy. just be yourself, be kind, live your wonderful life and don't be a complete stalker if you want to find a life partner who wants you just as you are.