what are you wearing?

last week i applied for a job as a phone sex operator. i had knocked around this idea last time i was without a job, but ended up not going for it before i landed work. in the spirit of adventure, i decided to scope it out this time.

after calling the number on a craigslist ad, i went to a nondescript office in burbank. i was handed a thick stack of papers to fill out. these papers included the manual for dealing with calls, which i thought odd considering i was just there to apply and ask questions. perhaps they had too many people come in not knowing exactly how graphic these calls got, and this was their way of showing applicants just what they were getting into. i had to really stifle my laughter reading this thing.

here's the deal with most phone sex hotlines: a lot of these ladies work from home, for 4-8 hour shifts, where they wait on their phone for a "call tag" to come in from the home office. these "call tags" describe what the person on the line is into; the caller tells the original operator what they want and the operator patches them through to one of the waiting ladies. the calls are monitored by supervisors.

just to be clear, i really had no qualms with doing this job until i heard how these supervisors treated the women who do the calls after the customer hung up. it was so degrading: "gloria, what the fuck?! why did you let him hang up so quickly? i swear to god, gloria, if you ever do that again you will no longer have a job here. we aren't here to get people off, we're here to make money."

now, i get it. it is a business, but that is no way to treat your employees, especially in front of people who are applying for a job! and these gals ain't getting paid well (another reason i did not take the job. for some reason, i thought it was going to be good money!) the way they were treated was way more degrading than what they were pretending to do over the phone. they signed up to say outrageous, sexual things, not to get dressed down by some random dude in burbank.

after i gave them back the paperwork, expecting to just get the hell outta there, they told me to have a seat and someone would be out to fetch me for training. what?!?! i just filled out the paperwork to *apply*, why the hell would they put me into training already? i had questions about the job, i told them, before i could jump into "training". the woman looked confused and walked away. another women poked her head out of a door and asked me to come in. we sat down and i asked her how much the job paid (again, i had to stifle laughter after hearing the amount) and what the hours were. she asked me if i had done this job before (no) and then asked me if i had ever done it "for fun". i am pretty sure that no matter what job you are applying for, they have no right to ask about your sex life. i understand that it can be considered amateur work, or a hobby or something, but we were talking about phone sex. i played it cool, though, and said "uh, yeah! of course." she explained that they pay wasn't great (thanks, captain obvious) but the great thing was, you could do it on your own time! for extra cash! you probably have four hours where you are at home not up to much, right? yes, i do. when i am sleeping. and i likes my sleep.

i got outta there, and of course did not have the balls to say i wasn't going to take the job. to be honest, there was a slight possibility i might have done it still, just for a short while, just to get some good stories. so i told them i'd call them if i could come in to train.

i never called. but i did get away with the manual, thank goodness. so, if you ever need tips on how to be "barely legal", "married slut", or "transexual", please give me a call. i promise i won't ask for your credit card number.

after i left the office, i headed for ikea. i was, after all, in burbank, and i needed to be in a neat, clean, safe environment immediately. plus i was out of tealights.