the echo park paddle boat regatta!

go ahead and say it, 'cause we all thinking it: slacker.

i know i am supposed to finish my thailand adventures, and trust me, the memories live vividly in my brain and they will eventually come out of there. i have been in the midst of writing several other pieces, mostly to be performed in front of a (captive) audience. so. this is just a break from thailand travels to ask you, and anyone you may know, for money.

i will be participating in a paddle boat regatta (that means "race" to you laymen) to raise money and awareness for an organization i have the pleasure of working for, 826LA. the time travel mart in echo park is the storefront for this non-profit, where i have been volunteering since december and working since april or so. 826 provides free drop in tutoring for children ages 6-18, as well as many programs geared toward helping these kids how to express themselves creatively, mainly through writing. a lot of funding has been cut from public schools, and we all know the first programs to go-the arts. 826 provides supplemental learning for the children affected by these cuts. please check out the website 826la.org for more information and to learn how to volunteer.

how can you help me? glad you asked. go to this link and make a tax deductible donation to sponsor me. all money i raise goes straight to 826LA, and gets me a closer to the finish line. seriously, even a buck helps. the name of my team: sparkle motion.

http://www./gifttool.com/athon/MyFundraisingPage?ID=168&AID=427&PID=41224

i also need the most spectacular cheering section at the regatta, but this is mostly due to my need for people yelling my name and generally praising me. so i hope you can make it out to the regatta, at echo park lake on august 17th at 4pm, to be followed by a concert at the echo.

contact me with any questions! much love!

thailand 2

our second day in chiang mai was low key and included my first of many hour long thai massages at the healing arts association. it was 120 baht (four dollars). we also walked (and tuk-tuk'ed) about the city, checking out the many temples. beautiful stuff. 

a tuk-tuk driver asked our nationality, and when we told him, he got a determined look in his eye, pumped his fist in the air, and said loudly "obama!!!". most people around the world know way more about what's going on in america than i will ever know about their country. this makes me humble and ashamed. i understand: america is watched by everyone because of the power we have, and the "assistance" (or "bullying", depending on how you look at it) our country gives worldwide. but it's amazing how much people follow the dog-and-pony show that is american politics. because let's face it, there is waaaay more drama pumped into an election than is needed. and i think that for the most part people in other countries (as well as a few americans) realize that. it was kinda cool to see an obama sticker on a car in bangkok, though. i am sure i don't need to tell you what everyone else in the world thinks about our current administration, so i won't go into it.

we met up with our new canadian friends to check out the chiang mai night safari. the night safari is basically a drive through zoo that you go to at night. you jump aboard a tram and it takes you through different animal habitats; some of the animals come right up next to you. like water buffalo. the more ferocious animals, such as the lions, tigers, and bears, have a sizable ditch between you and them. in between habitats, the tour guide would turn of the spotlights and we coasted through a cloud of blinking fireflies.

we opted for the tour in english, us not speaking thai and all, but i have to say, the guides' english was questionable. to the point that i think someone intentionally taught them the incorrect meanings for words, just to be an asshole. this conclusion was made after our guide called the zebras "sexy". then again, they seemed to anthropomorphize many of the animals, saying that they were lazy and liked to dance. but i have no idea why they would describe an animal as sexy, unless someone was having a laugh with them.

the whole thing ended, for some inexplicable reason, with a water/laser light show. it would have been a bitchin' venue for a laser zeppelin show, complete with jackals and camels.

we headed to the famous night market after we left the safari. the night market is a total dream for people who love to shop. it's even better for those who love to haggle. both of these things make me somewhat wary. though it's fun getting new stuff, i am not always jazzed at the process of looking for it (unless its music or books). and the thought of bargaining with people gives me a stomach ache. my companions, however, seem to thrive off of it, so it was interesting to watch them work. they tried coaching me on my haggling skills from the sidelines, but i'm pretty sure i ended up paying double what the people originally offered. i think overall, though, lisa scored the prize of the evening: a teak penis. it is supposed to give the bearer good luck. and....it's a penis. 

our next day was one of the most action packed of the trip: a full day trek in the northern hills. we travelled from the city to the northern, more rural region. our first stop was an elephant camp, where we rode through the jungle on one of the most peaceful and graceful creatures i've ever come into contact with. we had bags of bananas and sugar cane, and our elephant (whose name was something in thai that slips my mind, though they called her "big mama", as she was the grandmother of the two baby elephants that were in attendance) would stop every once in a while to throw her trunk back and up to us to get a treat. when our elephant "driver" asked us where we were from,  told him america. he asked where, and i told him california. he got very excited and said "yes! hotel california!!"(this happened many other times on the trip. apparently, 'hotel california' is a very popular song in thailand, and though i can't really stand it myself, i can't help but think it's popularity in turn made me popular among the thai people.) 

after we left the elephant camp, we went on a sweet hike to the meo hill tribe, then to a waterfall deep in the jungle. after walking across several rickity-assed bamboo bridges, we made it to the karen hill tribe. 

the karen are a group of people who fled from burma (known also as myanmar, but to most everyone in thailand it is 'burma', as myanmar is the name given to the country by the militia groups), away from the military extremest government. fleeing is a popular choice for a lot of the burmese people, but it is a dangerous one. the government has ruled the burmese people with guns, bombs, and forced labor for almost 20 years. burma's true leader and nobel peace price recipient, aung san suu kyi has been under house arrest on and off for many years now. she refuses to leave her country and her people until human rights are restored to burma. 

my friend rie has been an activist for the liberation of burma for as long as i have know her, and a few days after my return, rie was having an awareness raising get together where she put herself under house arrest for 24 hours in dedication to aung san suu kyi and her upcoming birthday. we watched some devastating footage and documentaries about the many injustices in burma, not just in the past but that are going on right now. these acts, including forced labor, rape, ethnic cleansing, strict censorship, and murder, cannot continue. PLEASE go to the website for the U.S. Campaign for Burma and sign up; even if you cannot donate money, your awareness, and the spreading of this awareness, can help these people.

the karen people were quite peaceful and happy, though they did not have many things. i think just being able to live in their village without fear of getting run off, plus the fact they seemed to have plenty of food and betel nut, was enough for them. it was quite a humbling experience.

after we left the tribe, we were brought to a shack where we were given a delicious lunch, prepared by people in the area. dogs lounged under our feet and begged for our rather spicy scraps. with full bellies, we were taken to a river where we took off on bamboo rafts. after about 90 minutes on the river, we made it back to our van, and back down the curvy road to the city.

this day wore me the hell out, but it didn't stop me from freshening up and heading to the patio of our hotel for some tiger beers. i sat with the owners of the hotel and some of their friends who relocated to chiang mai from the u.k. they invited us to go to dinner with them, at a place we would have never set foot in had we not been taken there. it wasn't that it was scary looking, only that it was one of those places where you collect food at different booths to then cook yourself at the table. and it was confusing. luckily we were with locals and they showed us the ropes-it was quite possibly one of the most satisfying and delicious meals i've had to date. after dinner, we went to the tiny bar, the smallest bar in the world. owned by a hilarious and energetic thai man named B (bea? bee?), this bar looks like it was a leftover closet from the other bars in the strip. and though it was the smallest, it had more customers than any of the other bars. and those customers were *rowdy*. ok, maybe i had a big part to do with that rowdiness, but B was egging me on. this is where we found out that a lot of people in chiang mai don't give a shit about being in the "lonely planet" guide; in fact they would rather not be. we witnessed this the next night in another bar called "the wall" (as in "pink floyd's..."). we also learned that we were in chiang mai's famous "pink light district". after having about 5 "one more drink"s, we headed back to the room, where apparently i proceeded to dance to loud steely dan. in my underwear. (gotta love the dan!)

ok, i know these posts are slow in coming; i apologize if you have been waiting with bated breath for the whole story. but i promised, if you ask nicely and provide wine, i will come over and tell you in person...

up next: back to bangkok!

until then: pictures!  

thailand, part 1

ok, so i didn't update my blog during my trip. trust me, it was worth it. if i spent too much time on the computer, i wouldn't have as much to write about now that i am home. and now that it's almost midnight on wednesday, and i am barely tired, i will begin.

as all adventures do, this one started out with one step. well, several steps. then a big ass flight overseas. oh, how i abhor flying. and i had a good 15 hours of it to look forward to. luckily, i brought along chuck pahluniuk's latest, snuff. it's about what you think it's about: porn. not my favorite of chuck's, but quite entertaining. after i finished that book, i was forced to watch one of the most worst movies ever made, 27 dresses. i will not go into how much this movie disturbed me. (also, don't think this whole entry is going to be negative. i had a fucking blast, but i just wouldn't be me if i didn't shoot down this abomination of a movie).

after a layover in the taipei, taiwan airport, i arrive in bangkok at about 1am. walking through the airport, i am accosted by people shouting "taxi! taxi!" and "where you go?" i just smile and nod, but they take this as a sign to follow me, so they do. i quickly learned to just tune them out, much like the jesus freaks you sometimes have to ignore on the streets of hollywood. or the scientologists.

beth got us a room at the airport hotel, a very nice place just across the street from the airport. there was a shuttle waiting to take me and some of the other guests. since i was alone, the drive asked me to sit in front. he was stowing the bags in the back, so i walked to what i thought was the passenger side and opened the door. there was a steering wheel. "what, you wanna drive?" the driver asked, poking his head out from the back. i could hear everyone giggling in the back of the shuttle. great. my first five minutes in asia and already i am a dick. i decided to laugh at myself and soon me and all the other people were laughing together. 

i met beth at the hotel and we had a few glasses of wine. i was far from tired. this would catch up with me; though i slept a couple of hours, i was a nervous mess in the morning. was it the long flight, the culture shock, the excitement? probably all of these things caused me to get up early and obsessively unpack and pack my bag until beth woke up. once we were outside, in the hot humid air, i felt much better.

the drive to downtown bangkok was one of those moments that i realized that i was somewhere else entirely. the city of bangkok is a huge, sprawling city, made up of super tall buildings and small run down shacks. billboards cover a lot of space; some in english, some in thai. you can see the buddhist alters scattered everywhere. 

koh san road is one of the more touristy places in bangkok. there are street vendors, stores selling clothes, sunglasses, bootleg movies and music, trinkets and t-shirts. there are tailors who will try to get you to come in and see their work, they tell me "you very lucky lady! you come and i make you pretty!" there are massage salons and 7-11's, both of which become integral in anyone's thailand holiday. we partook in some light shopping, pad thai and beers for lunch, and met up with my friend crystal, who i used to work with and who just happened to be in thailand the same time as us. then a quick foot massage before heading back to the airport to fly up to chiang mai. easy flight, one hour.

arriving in chiang mai it is easy to see that it is much different than bangkok. smaller, less "crazy". except for the dudes with AK47's at the airport. yikes. we hopped in a cab that took us to the guesthouse beth had booked for us. we checked it out and....well, it was clean. it was a far cry from the novatel we stayed at the night before, but we knew most places would be a little less extravagant. the bathroom didn't have a shower stall, just the shower head next to the toilet and a drain in the floor (actually very common in thailand). the bathroom was inexplicably decorated with disney 101 dalmatians tiles. we tried the bed (one, not two like we had asked) and we could feel the springs poking through the thin mattress. "let's take a walk!" beth suggested. we ended up stumbling across a beautiful place called the sira boutique hotel. we went in to look at a room and we were sold. not only was the place gorgeous, but the staff was super friendly and helpful. robb, one of the owners, personally took us back to our original place to pick up our bags. after dropping our stuff off at our new room, which would be our little piece of heaven for the next four nights, we went next door to a restaurant to have a late meal and some beers. there, we met up with three awesome canadian ladies: heidi, lisa, and kim, who were also staying in our hotel. they told us they went through pretty much the same deal: checked into a place, didn't dig it, and just happened upon the sira, which they had been at for the past couple of days and were loving it. we joined our new friends out for some dancing at cluster of open air bars, all with live music. the first one had a reggae band, then the next one had a thai radiohead cover band. no lie. the bar was called heaven beach and the floor was a bunch of sand. it was wild. after the bars closed, we grabbed a tuk-tuk back home to the sira. 

i promise, the rest to come, as well as pictures!

as much as i wish i was still in thailand, i am happy to be home.

leavin' on a jetplane

on this day, the day i leave for thailand, my stomach is in knots. i always have flight anxiety. not because i am afraid the plane will go down, but rather because i don't particularly enjoy being uncomfortable. and the thought of being uncomfortable for almost 20 hours is almost unbearable. the payoff, though, is great, so with a little help from booze and tylenol p.m., i think i'll be o.k.!

i just got off the phone with beth. she was in d.c. at her layover. i cannot believe we will be meeting up on the other side of the world. it makes me feel like the earth is actually very small and to traverse the sphere is no big deal.

i had an amazing sending off party-thanks to anyone who made it out. it was just another barn burner over at the smogcutter, but the crazy love was in high gear. my friends are simply the best, and i take a little moment every day to send out gratitude for them. and for karaoke.

another big thanks to meeno and ilse, who are letting me stay at their guesthouse when i return. i am subletting my place through july, and will be staying at the spectacular skyfarm upon my return to the country. skyfarm was the feature in the 'home' section of the l.a. times this week. do take a look. i will be living in the guesthouse. the one that has the caption "...was once filled with snakes and black widow spiders." no, they are not still there.

i hope to update at some point in my trip, but i am sure no one will blame me if i don't. there will be plenty of stories when i get back. hopefully they will be full of laughter, adventure, and cute australian backpackers...

one night in bangkok

only one week until i embark on my thailand journey. my friends  gave me a pack to take with me. i am usually your typical over packer. how am i supposed to know what i feel like wearing? might as well bring it all. so, going halfway across the world with only a half filled backpack sounds like a damn good idea. nice and liberating. though i can't help but think that the lack of "stuff" and "things" will be hard to get used to. hardly any beauty products (with the exception of deodorant and toothpaste. and lots and lots of spf 60 sunblock), no jeans (too hot), a very large hat, and just one bikini. i plan on buying sarongs over there. i'll need at least one long sleeved shirt and long pants to wear in the temples. 

i've been biting my nails, waiting for this stimulation check, only to find out that they will not be issuing it to me until after i depart, in paper form. urgh. this was not the plan. this slight hiccup caused me to partake in one of my least favorite activities, one i haven't had to do in a while: call the folks and ask for money. my family has helped me out numerous times since i moved out here, hell, even before that, and i am most appreciative. but asking for help has never been easy for me. luckily it will be a temporary loan, that is if they can do it. i know that this use of my economic stimulation check is not what bush has in mind (stimulating *another* economy) but, and this may come as a shock, i do not give a flying fuck at the moon what our president thinks i should do with my money. 

we're having a hard time deciding which island to visit while over there. ko tao was our first choice, but we have heard rumors of possible "social unrest" that may not be american friendly. ko samui is also on the list, but it is pretty popular and may be crowded. while doing "research" aka drinking at the smogcutter and talking to the staff, all of whom are thai, they suggest going to a couple islands. i figure we can ferry around to the different places and stay at the one that is most our speed. the only fatal flaw in this plan: i tend to get extremely seasick. too much time on a boat does not make me happy.

all in all, not bad problems to have. 

come and have a drink with me next wednesday, may 21st at the smogcutter. just a casual sending off get together, a chance to say goodbye just in case i decide to not come back.

"my god, i deserve a break today."

picture this:
a large conference room, filled with suited yes-men. a giant statue of a red wigged, white faced clown glowers down at these men, as if to say, "i am watching you. make me money, or i will eat your face" (god i hate clowns). it's the corporate headquarters for mcdonald's, and the suits are looking for their next big rip-off after flavored iced coffee, which is for people who hate coffee.

a pimply faced intern brings in sheets upon sheets of paper containing research. research on what america is currently shoving in their faces. research on how mcdonald's can corner that market. somewhere, buried in these stacks of paper, are the words "dwarf house".

for those of you who are not from the south, "dwarf house" was the original name for chick-fil-a, of which there are only a handful in california, where in georgia, you can't throw a cow without hitting one. i assume they changed their name so as not to offend the dwarf community. there are actually still a few in the atlanta area with the name "dwarf house", complete with a tiny door in the front. i would like to say, officially, that not all southerners are oblivious to offensiveness.

"sirs, what about chick-fil-a?" the sweaty intern inquires. "people in the south eat this shit up, and folks in southern california drive 45 minutes just to get one of their sandwiches. what do ya think?" he finished, hoping he would not be admonished for cursing. the clown did not approve of foul language.

(i would like to point out that i had no idea there were chick-fil-a's out here until just recently, so i have never driven 45 minutes to get to one, only heard stories of those who had. just trying to defend myself and not seem like a complete "fat girl". even though i am devoting an entire blog to fried chicken. even though i have considered driving to arizona to go to waffle house.)

and so, mcdonald's finally ripped off the chick-fil-a sandwich. today they are giving away free chicken biscuits and chicken sandwiches at stores all over california (apparently they have been testing the chicken elsewhere). i, of course, had to try it out.

one of the billboards for this new fare says "chicken? for breakfast!?!". this concept is not new to me. if you grew up in georgia, you ate fried chicken all of the time, and didn't question it. chick-fil-a sponsored most school events, and was a staple of families everywhere. in my early high school years, i would go there once a week for young life, a non-denominational christian youth group. we would eat chicken for breakfast and sing songs about jesus.

speaking of jesus, one of people's biggest beefs (no pun intended) with chick-fil-a is that it is closed on sundays. the owner of the business is a southern baptist, which is not the kookiest baptist, but it's up there. there is all kinds of bible-licious things going on in the 'fil-a. much like in-n-out; jesus is in your milkshake.

with my bias firmly in place, i headed over to my friendly neighborhood micky d's. i ordered my obligatory medium drink to get the free biscuit. coffee. they were out of medium cups so they gave me a large bucket o' coffee, which is actually not half bad. the biscuit could not seem to contain the pressure cooked chicken. the original biscuit at chick-fil-a seemed to hold tight to the chicken, almost lovingly. "i won't let go, darlin'." it drawled to the breast. whereas mcdonald's biscuit, like most things californian, was....flaky. it fell apart immediately. plus, an inner voice kept saying, "you are eating mcdonalds." which was a total buzz kill. that being said, the chicken was much tastier than any fast food chicken i'd had before, besides you-know-who.

another detrimental element for mcdonald's: no sweet tea. i have yet to find anywhere in california that serves this panacea. no, you cannot just add a packet of sugar. that's not how it works, and if you think that, i feel sorry for you.

i wish i could say i was going to make it over there for a free lunch, but i really don't think i can deal with the meat sweats today. yes, i'm a southerner, and we eat lots of fried chicken, even in crazy heat and humidity. but i've been in l.a. for almost 7 years now, and i have grown accustomed to their eating habits. so instead of a fried chicken sandwich, i think i'll have a tab and jog around the silverlake reservoir. bon appetite!

so much advice, so little time!

someone pointed me in the direction of an article called "marry him!"

this article was written by a woman who had a child on her own, and is advocating "settling"; marrying a man you aren't that into. she claims that while she decided to have and raise a child alone, she now wishes that she had married one of the guys she dated that, while they may have been really nice and smart, she just didn't feel that "spark" with. she believes the earlier a woman decides to settle, the easier it will be, since we become more and more discriminating as we get older.

sound crazy? though i am totally against this mentality for myself, ms. gottlieb makes a case for women whose goal it is to have a family. she says to look for a business partner, not necessarily lloyd dobler, when trying to find a mate. now, i am pretty sure i don't want to get married, and the jury is out when it comes to children. it will be out for quite a few more years. so when i hear, "so what if you don't really love him? he'll be a great dad.", it makes me a little uneasy.

she goes on to say that a lot of women discriminate on small things, like the habit of yelling "bravo" at a movie theater, height, or unfortunate noses. i guess i would get kind of annoyed at someone yelling "bravo" when the people in the movie clearly cannot hear you, but i am sure there might be plenty of things this mystery guy would have to put up with from me (constantly changing accents, singing the answers to questions instead of saying them, the need for at least 7 pillows in the bed). so i say, as long as it doesn't set your teeth on edge, learn to live with it. as far as the height, noses, etc....again, we are all flawed. many of my friends have laughed at the men i find attractive, saying that i go for the most strange and unconventional looks. any time my friend jenny sees a total nerd, she always points him out to me: "look lauren, he's just your type!" now i have gone out with many different "types", but maybe i tend to go for the more dorky types. in "why smart men marry smart women", referenced in this article, a woman calls men that other women may not recognize as great the 'secrets'. i'm not sure if this is fair or accurate, especially since the whole geek chic thing is very popular right now. and i have never dated anyone just because i thought that no one else would be competing for them.

the article also referenced the infamous "he's just not that into you". i never read this book, but after reading this article, i dug up some material from the book. for those not in the know, this book is pretty much the opposite of the above article. women are supposed to let guys "chase" them and "hunt" them....like prey. apparently, men feel the need to work for the affections of a lady. and if he ain't doing the work, he ain't into you. so, no, you cannot call him-he's got to call you. just sit back and do some knitting. ok, to be fair, the book has an underlying current of 'you are too incredible and fabulous to have to deal with men's bullshit excuses ("i've just been so busy! and my internet is down! and i forgot your name!") so just be fabulous and let the men ask you out'. i get it: don't be distracted by 'getting a man'. focus on you. pretty soon you realize that you are happy doing things yourself and you become uber confident and that confidence attracts men. they show up when you're not looking; total irony.

i also have a married friend who claims that you, as a woman, deserve someone who adores and worships you, perhaps even more than you adore him.

i can't tell you how many times i've been given advice on men. as a single 28 year old woman, many folks just can't wait to tell me what i'm doing wrong: "you're too independent", "you don't make a guy feel needed enough", "you need to turn down your theta" (i believe that last one is from scientology. no shit.) i feel that if i can't just be myself, than what, my friends, is the point?

i seriously wonder if men obsess about being single as much as women do. i have plenty of guy friends, but i can never discern just what is going on inside that manly head of theirs, just like they will never truly understand me. all i know is that i have so many amazing, beautiful, smart and funny girl friends who just can't seem to get a date. and it kills them.

there are way too many dating manuals out there. my friend molly was reading a few of them as research for something she was writing, including one called "why men love bitches". what?!?! are you serious? she instructed me to never, under any circumstance, read this book.

it cracks me up how so many people take these self help books to heart. it's so much like the dieting industry: a new one pops up every few months, and everyone is expected to be on the train. people, just eat right and exercise if you want to be healthy. just be yourself, be kind, live your wonderful life and don't be a complete stalker if you want to find a life partner who wants you just as you are.